[Tilburg] amongst the Haute couture designers, Chanel is the one that worth being called as the “revolutioner”. When the others only sell super expensive goods, this brand sells story, effort, feminism, power relation, history, sacrifice, and luxury in a complet package. If you have no idea about what Coco Chanel did, I’ll let you to inquire about it on Wikipedia. To make long story short, Coco Chanel has contributed to the first feminism revolution in France and has liberated women from their heavy gowns, corsets, long hair, as well as has replaced the old common definition of beauty into “simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.” Beauty is light, modest, black, and meanwhile severe!



What to bring abroad?

Early in the morning and there is something that pops up in my mind. I’m gonna tell you some stuffs you should probably add to your list before you go abroad. This applies for Indonesian (or Asian) people mostly.

1. Minyak kayu putih, kampak, fresh, or you name it.
2. Seasoning, especially when you plan to go to country less inhabitated by Indonesian people. Cause you’ll hardly find asian herbes then.
3. Your favorite shampoo. It is true that here you’re gonna find lots of kinds of shampoos indeed, but just in case you have sensitive hair that requires special treatment, then you should bring some from your home country. Since there will be different in terms of hair types, weather, water, and so forth, normally shampoo’s ingredients will vary from one country to another. (I have problem with my hair every time I go abroad, that’s why I’m a bit insisting on this matter)
4. Indonesian food. You can bring abon, rendang kering, orek tempe, teri, etc. that will help you to survive the first 3 months. At least you can bring some packs of Indomie. Who knows.

I think that’s all for today. I’ll get you noticed if I have something to add. Or maybe you have your own exoerience to share? Feel free!


[studying] just borrowed a book from campus library titled Speaking of Sadness. I was dragged to pick this book over the others, simply because it fitted with the lack of sunshine lately in my town. Which, however has forced me to feel a lesser degree of happiness that it gradually turns down, or off. Reading about sadness, depression, disconnection, and “weak heart” on these gloomy days is such a good companion. Hello Autumn.

I first realized the link between gloomy weather and self depression when I was doing my internship on the North part of France, called Normandy (la Normandie). I stayed there for 4 months which were quite long. There, I experienced that life was in constant need of hope. Yes, every morning when you opened your window, a little hope raised in your mind, “will there be sunshine today?”. The thing was that, it was just rare. You seemed to never see the sun’s coming, saying hello, or anything. It was just dark, cloudy, windy, and cold.

That situation would lead us to feel depression deeply. We would set up our face in a depress look, cold attitude, and less talkative. However, actually deep inside everybody who was living there needed to a little warm hug.


14th September 2013.



When enough is enough

“@MostSecretFacts: More people claim to be okay when they’re not. Psychologists claims that it’s because it’s hard to find people who actually listen and care.”

I just read this twit, and well, may be I am just too sensitive, about anything. So that after having read and repatching it with my feeling, I was devastated, a little bit more.

Let’s have a look,

Some people tend to protect their feelings quite hard. They do anything to be appeared strong, dependable, distanced, and so on. This condition will remain the same as long as no one knocks their hearts. You might say, when finally they fall in love.

At the beginning, surething it would be hard to approach them. Even to make contact with them. On the other hand, the people, they wouldn’t fall easily. But, with such constant chase and wanting, they finally will fall for you.

The loving time. Call it euforia or something, but it’s true that it “won’t” last for long time. Each of them will start to trust, to open their heart to love, to be ready to fall, to be happy, to embrace anything. They face all the difficulties, differences, hard times, good times together, supporting each other, loving each other as much as they can. Still, you know that it won’t last.

Finally. You, each other, don’t know what happen to you. It’s just intolerable. It’s just wrong all the time. It’s just “my mistake, your mistake, why did you, how could you do this, what happened? What’s wrong with you, what’s wrong with me? What’s the matter?” And when it comes, you probably will stay for couple of days, months with heart aching for such simple thing. You get easily offended. And everything will never be the same. You just can’t love each other they way you were. You lose your trust. You spare yourselves with distances. And finally you see that, it has to be ended. Now. Right here. When enough is enough.

18th August 2013,

Home made Quote!

@bellanggi: “Everybody can wait, of course they could. But u know very well that they wouldn’t, shouldn’t wait for the rest of their lives.” Affect you?

I tweeted this sentence. I was quite proud of myself, especially anytime in special circumstances of “feeling”, my brain, the part which drives me writing creatively, it works rationally emotionally well. I often am impressed by my own work, the vocabulary, sentences made while suffered the bad feeling are not mine. I simply don’t recognize them at all after few days later re-read what I’ve written.

So, adding to that “home made quote” I will put a copy of a song titled Wanted You More by Lady Antebellum.

I kept waitin’ on a reason
in a call that never came.
No I never, saw it comin’
Somethin’ in you,
must have changed.

All the words unspoken,
promises broken.
I cried for so long.
Wasted too much time,
should have seen the signs.
Now I know, just what went wrong.

I guess I wanted you more,
and lookin’ back now I’m sure,
I wanted you more.
I guess I wanted you more.

All the nights we spent just talkin’
of the things we wanted out of life (out of life).
Makin’ plans and dreams together,
I wish I’d seen I was just too blind.

My heart was open,
exposed and hopin’
for you, to put it on the line.

But in the end, it seemed,
there was no room for me.
Still I tried, to change your mind.

You think I have particular reason on posting up this lyric?
May be you are right.

Abellia, 13th August 2013.

Love can be healed by time

the best thing about love is that it will be healed by time

Beranjak dari kutipan tersebut, dari awal akan saya katakan bahwa saja setuju dengan itu. Cinta akan terobati oleh waktu. Sebuah kalimat yang kuat dan penuh harapan. Setidaknya bagi orang-orang yang sedang dikecewakan oleh makna keindahan cinta.

Kebanyakan orang yang sedang patah hati atau putus cinta, akan mengalami fase kehilangan arah dan kehampaan yang seolah abadi. Ini benar, keseolahan abadi tersebut yang sebenarnya membuat kesedihan menjadi semakin larut. Dan menjadi tak bisa bangkit, pasrah, sakit. Tapi jika kita mau sedikit berusaha, dan melepas pelan-pelan emosional kita kemudian memilah sisi rasional yang ada, efek destruktif dari patah hati bisa diminimalkan.

Mungkin bagi kalian yang sedang patah hati dan membaca tulisan saya ini, kalian bisa saja mencemooh dengan kalimat, “ngomong gampang, susah ngejalaninnya.” Itu juga benar. Karena ketika kalian mengatakan hal tersebut, artinya kalian sedang mempersembahkan sebagian hidup untuk dikorbankan menjadi pesakitan. Boleh saja, tentu, menghayati setiap kenangan, mereka ulang semua masalah, mendetailkan kesalahan masing-masing, tapi percayalah, itu tidak akan membawa kalian pergi kemana-mana. Kalian akan terus diajak untuk menyesakkan dada masing-masing, memenuhinya dengan penyalahan diri, atau penyalahan terhadap orang lain, juga dengan kebencian dan dendam. Tentu itu juga boleh dilakukan terutama bagi kalian yang hanya bisa hidup dengan mencari kepuasan dari balas dendam. Silakan. Tapi satu hal di sini yang perlu diingat. Semakin banyak waktu yang kalian buang untuk membandingkan sakit, menakar perih, dan merencanakan pembalasan. Berlipat pula sakit yang kalian rasakan. Berlipat.

All you need is to focus on everything what you face in front of you. Because happines comes anywhere anytime when you are focused on what you are doing. Don’t let your mind always wander, settle it. Talk to it, gather it with you, because you are the master of your own faith. Cheers!

Day 1

Day 1:

I was reading Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami when I realized that every sentence I read became a story board of my own life. And this once happened to me years ago, the days when I suffered from my heart break. I felt like this was going to finish me off once and for all.

I will quote some of them:
“He had been wonderful to me, an ideal husband, faithful, strong, and patient, someone I could put my complete trust in.”

“He got me ninety-nine percent of the way there, but the other one percent went crazy. Everything we had built up came crashing down. In one split second, everything turned into nothing.”

“It’s terrible story. We worked so hard, so hard, building our world one brick at a time. And we fell apart, it happened just like that. Everything was gone before you knew it.”

“I’m afraid to leave and get involved with the outside world. I’m afraid to meet new people and feel new feelings.”


I am sorry.

16th July 2013